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Five Reasons to Put Those Phones Away When with Your Child

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Photo Source  :   Luminosity  

Let’s admit, we are all caught up in the world of technology. We live, eat, breathe and think with our smartphones literally. These smartphones have created a bubble around us. We are caught up in those bubbles so badly, that we have been completely absorbed in them. It’s not just the children who are addicted to screens. Parents are more often spending all their precious time swiping the screens of their smartphones. To ‘connect’ more with our friends staying far of, we have disconnected with our family members staying ‘with us’

Vidhiduggal

https://vidhiduggal.wordpress.com/2017/07/11/five-reasons-to-put-those-phones-away-when-with-your-child/

These days, parents are so soaked up in the digital world, that they are often not present even when they are with their children. Children who always crave for the attention and affection of their parents often feel neglected when they see their parents using smartphones. Parents who are talking on the phone while they are with their children are not actually present with them. Parents who are talking on the phone while having dinner or while the child is playing next to them are not there with the children.

Here are five reasons why we should put those smart phones away and break the bubble of technology:

  1. Children need our attention to build their self- esteem. Paying attention to their smallest efforts means they will push themselves to the next level.
  2. Our positive attention helps them become emotionally stronger. When we put our phones down to talk to them about what they are doing, they feel more secure and confident. 

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References

Parenting - children and their bright future - break the bubble of technology and put those gadgets away.
posted Jul 20, 2017 by Nalini Vishwanath

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+2 votes

                                                

Photo Source: Psychology Today

By- Victoria L. Dunckley M.D.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mental-wealth/201706/hey-parents-put-down-those-devices

Being strict about your own screen-time greatly improves the odds that you’ll be able to manage your children’s screen time in a mindful manner. Further, if you’re considering doing a 4-week electronic fast first to help reset your child’s nervous system (which I recommend), it’ll help you implement the fast successfully, plus give you a leg up on healthy screen management afterwards. Why? Because in addition to setting a good example, you will feel better, function better, and sleep better.  

Parenting Stress and Electronic Media Use

Child rearing is harder and more complex than ever these days, and parenting a child who’s experiencing mental health, learning or behavior issues can produce stress that’s “off the charts.” Ask yourself if you have a tendency to use a mobile device throughout the day or while in bed at night as a means to escape from that stress. The activities may seem innocent enough, like reading on a Kindle, sharing funny family pictures on Facebook, or reading blog posts about parenting. But, as with children, interactive screen-time affects an adult’s frontal lobe, too, so even moderate but daily use can cause a parent to become disorganized, exhibit poor impulse control, lack self-discipline, and have trouble following through on goals—including establishing healthy screen limits. Screen-time also affects an adult’s body clock, melatonin levels, and physical health. And just as with children, these effects are more likely to occur if a parent is stressed, not sleepingwell, or has difficulty in those areas to begin with.

Thus, there are numerous reasons to cut back. In fact, doing the electronic fast or committing to limits with your child can be a powerful healing experience for the entire family.

Seven reasons why it’s worthwhile for parents themselves to put down those devices:

1You’ll model good screen habits. Parents’ own screen habits closely correlate to their children’s, and joining in on a fast or new limits with your child helps build mutual respect. This also reinforces the message that a screen fast or limits are not a punishment, but something the whole family is working on to be happier and healthier.

2. You’ll be more aware. Screen-time is distracting, and it diminishes how in touch we are with our environment. If doing the fast, you’ll be more aware of how your children are doing during the fast and more vigilant about any attempts they make to skirt the ban. If simply cutting back, you’re more likely to notice patterns of behavior that occur with and without the presence of screens.

3. Your executive functioning will be enhanced. Everyone’s frontal lobe functions better with less screen-time, so planning and problem-solving will come more easily. You’ll also be more creative, which makes family activities and one-on-one time more enjoyable — for you and your child.

4. You’ll be much more likely to follow through on what you said you would do. Whether that means actually finishing the fast or eliminating screens during the school week, improved frontal lobe function helps us sustain efforts and be self-disciplined.  It builds “grit.”

5. You’ll be more present and emotionally attuned. Your in-the-moment awareness and sense of emotional connection will be enhanced — and your child will notice.  Kids and teens often complain that they feel ignored by device-using parents even when they’re in the same room. Indeed, studies show spending time together and healthy attachment to parents helps protect children against technology overuse and addiction.  

6. You’ll be more rested. Reducing your own levels of hyper arousal will help you sleep more deeply, improve your ability to tolerate frustration, and give you more energy. You’ll also be less likely to give in when your child attempts to wear you down or argue about screen limits.

7. You may see fewer tantrums in general.  While screen time itself can precipitate tantrums and meltdowns (due to creating a hyperaroused and overstimulated nervous system), a recent study found that high parental device use was associated with more behaviour issues in children. This finding is in line with what we already know about development: that emotional resonance, eye contact, and face-to-face interaction with a parent helps regulate a child’s nervous system and eventually helps teach the child how to self-soothe.  This benefit seems to be separate from and in addition to all the physiological changes that result in improved behaviour from removal of all that stimulation.

Guidelines for Mindful Screen Limits for Parents

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+1 vote

      

Have you noticed how parenting has changed since we were kids ourselves? But no matter what modern methods are, every parent wants their children to become happy and successful adults.

https://brightside.me/inspiration-family-and-kids/11-secrets-from-parents-who-raised-happy-children-361160/

       

Modern parents have very busy schedules. When they feel tired, the easiest way to keep their children busy is to turn on the TV. But there are activities that both you and your child will find equally interesting. Children will forget what you buy for them, but they’ll neverforget how you spent time together.

For example, it’s proven that a warm relationship with the father affects the ability to build intimate and happy relationships in adulthood.

         

Scientists have concluded that regular family meals are directly connected with lower rates of depression and suicidal thoughts among teens.

Children who enjoy frequent family meals also have a more positive outlook on life compared to their peers who don’t eat dinner with their families. Sharing a meal is a great opportunity to become closer with children. Just don’t forget to turn off the TV.

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+2 votes

                                                    

Photo Source by :  Pixabay

by Charles Schaeffer, PhD

For many people, Father's Day evokes images of family BBQs, new ties, and loving cards from kids. And the occasion also gives us an opportunity to recognize all the hard work fathers do. But there are millions of fathers we may not think about on Father's Day and who are often invisible to us all year round – fathers who don't live with their children.

Nonresidential fathers – dads who are divorced, separated, incarcerated, or otherwise not living with their children – make up more than 12 percent of American fathers. That means there are more than 7 million nonresidential fathers in the United States – many of them changing diapers, providing emotional support, helping with homework, and paying child support every year.

Unfortunately, when these dads receive public acknowledgment, it often comes in the form of negative images – deadbeat dads who refuse to pay child support or have little interest in or contact with their children

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+1 vote

                                               

Photo Source: Brain Inspired

When we are first born our parents are all that we have in this world. We would not be who we are today without them.

Our parents are the people we look to for support and guidance. They are supposed to keep us feeling safe at all times and make sure as children that we follow their rules. However, as humans, we are all capable of making mistakes.

http://braininspired.net/never-use-phrasess-talking-children-psychologists-warnn/

As a child, we do not often think of our parents as ‘just humans’ we see them as more than that. These people we call Mom and Dad are our creators, guardians, protectors. They are Gods and Goddesses in our eyes as children, there is nothing Mommy and Daddy cannot do.

Everything that a parent does and how they do it becomes an important part of their child’s psyche. The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice. It tells them what is right and what is wrong…

If you are often angry and cold towards your children they will carry on this into adulthood. They will do the same thing you are doing to them to themselves later on. We all make mistakes, if you are making one now why not take the time to correct it?

We want our children to have an inner voice that does not insult them. If you are friendly and motivating to your child they will take that on as their inner voice, this will prove to be much more effective than having an inner voice that makes them feel worthless.

The Phrases below are ones you should NEVER say to your children, no matter how mad you are or what they have done:

                                                    

“STOP CRYING RIGHT NOW!”

Even if there is no reason for your child to be crying in that moment do not make them feel stupid for doing so and for not being able to stop. They cannot control their emotions. They deserve to be allowed to feel what they are feeling if you say this to your child you are programming them to think that it is not okay to have emotions. They will eventually suppress everything. You should try saying something else in situations like this.

Something like “It’s okay to cry but you still need to understand what you did was wrong.”

This will get you much further.

“I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!”

Parents tell their children this when they are in trouble and already feeling down about themselves and whatever they have done. When your child does something wrong help them to find the right path don’t let them think they are a disappointment.

Try saying something like “What you did was wrong, let’s talk this over okay?”

“YOU ARE NOT [SOMETHING] ENOUGH!”

By telling your child there is something lacking in them be it something on the inside or on the outside it hurts. While you are not specifically saying they are not enough you are implying it. This is something that will grow into your child feeling not good enough in life overall if you do not address it soon.

 Try saying “You are [something] enough, we can work harder at it.”

“BIG BOYS/GIRLS DON’T GET SCARED”

Yes, they do.

This is not protecting your child in any way. They are scared, you cannot stop their fear by telling them to not be afraid. Everyone gets scared sometimes, even you. Face your fears instead of running away from them, that is what you should be teaching your children.

Say something like “It is okay to be scared, everyone gets scared sometimes but I know something that will help.”

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+1 vote

       

Photo Source:  DEEP ROOTS AT HOME 

 By Jacqueline 

http://deeprootsathome.com/kids-bored-entitled/

Victoria Prooday, OT finds today’s kids come to school emotionally unavailable for learning. There are many factors in our modern lifestyle that contribute to this.

She writes:

I am an occupational therapist with years of experience working with children, parents, and teachers. I completely agree with this teacher’s message that our children are getting worse and worse in many aspects. I hear the same consistent message from every teacher I meet. Clearly, throughout my time as an Occupational Therapist, I have seen and continue to see a decline in kids’ social, emotional, and academic functioning, as well as a sharp increase in learning disabilities and other diagnoses.

As we know, the brain is malleable. Through environment, we can make the brain “stronger” or make it “weaker”. I truly believe that, despite all our greatest intentions, we unfortunately remold our children’s brains in the wrong direction. Here is why:

1. TECHNOLOGY

Using technology as a “Free babysitting service” is, in fact, not free at all. The payment is waiting for you just around the corner.  We pay with our kids’ nervous systems, with their attention, and with their ability for delayed gratification. Compared to virtual reality, everyday life is boring. When kids come to the classroom, they are exposed to human voices and adequate visual stimulation as opposed to being bombarded with the graphic explosions and special effects that they are used to seeing on the screens. After hours of virtual reality, processing information in a classroom becomes increasingly challenging for our kids because their brains are getting used to the high levels of stimulation that video games provide. The inability to process lower levels of stimulation leaves kids vulnerable to academic challenges. Technology also disconnects us emotionally from our children and our families. Parental emotional availability is the main nutrient for child’s brain. Unfortunately, we are gradually depriving our children of that nutrient.

2. KIDS GET EVERYTHING THE MOMENT THEY WANT IT

“I am Hungry!!” “In a sec I will stop at the drive thru” “I am Thirsty!” “Here is a vending machine.” “I am bored!” “Use my phone!”  The ability to delay gratification is one of the key factors for future success. We have the best intentions — to make our children happy — but unfortunately, we make them happy at the moment but miserable in the long term.  To be able to delay gratification means to be able to function under stress. Our children are gradually becoming less equipped to deal with even minor stressors, which eventually become huge obstacles to their success in life.

The inability to delay gratification is often seen in classrooms, malls, restaurants, and toy stores the moment the child hears “No” because parents have taught their child’s brain to get what it wants right away.

3. KIDS RULE THE WORLD

“My son doesn’t like vegetables.” “She doesn’t like going to bed early.” “He doesn’t like to eat breakfast.” “She doesn’t like toys, but she is very good at her iPad” “He doesn’t want to get dressed on his own.” “She is too lazy to eat on her own.” This is what I hear from parents all the time. Since when do children dictate to us how to parent them? If we leave it all up to them, all they are going to do is eat macaroni and cheese and bagels with cream cheese, watch TV, play on their tablets, and never go to bed. What good are we doing them by giving them what they WANT when we know that it is not GOOD for them? Without proper nutrition and a good night’s sleep, our kids come to school irritable, anxious, and inattentive.  In addition, we send them the wrong message.  They learn they can do what they want and not do what they don’t want. The concept of “need to do” is absent. Unfortunately, in order to achieve our goals in our lives, we have to do what’s necessary, which may not always be what we want to do.  For example, if a child wants to be an A student, he needs to study hard. If he wants to be a successful soccer player, he needs to practice every day. Our children know very well what they want, but have a very hard time doing what is necessary to achieve that goal. This results in unattainable goals and leaves the kids disappointed.

4. ENDLESS FUN

We have created an artificial fun world for our children. There are no dull moments. The moment it becomes quiet, we run to entertain them again, because otherwise, we feel that we are not doing our parenting duty. We live in two separate worlds. They have their “fun“ world, and we have our “work” world. Why aren’t children helping us in the kitchen or with laundry? Why don’t they tidy up their toys? This is basic monotonous work that trains the brain to be workable and function under “boredom,” which is the same “muscle” that is required to be eventually teachable at school.  When they come to school and it is time for handwriting their answer is “I can’t. It is too hard. Too boring.” Why? Because the workable “muscle” is not getting trained through endless fun. It gets trained through work.

5. LIMITED SOCIAL INTERACTION

We are all busy, so we give our kids digital gadgets and make them “busy” too. Kids used to play outside, where, in unstructured natural environments, they learned and practiced their social skills.  Unfortunately, technology replaced the outdoor time.  Also, technology made the parents less available to socially interact with their kids. Obviously, our kids fall behind… the babysitting gadget is not equipped to help kids develop social skills. Most successful people have great social skills. This is the priority!

The brain is just like a muscle that is trainable and re-trainable. If you want your child to be able to bike, you teach him biking skills. If you want your child to be able to wait, you need to teach him patience.  If you want your child to be able to socialize, you need to teach him social skills. The same applies to all the other skills. There is no difference!

TRAIN THE BRAIN

You can make a difference in your child’s life by training your child’s brain so that your child will successfully function on social, emotional, and academic levels. Here is how:

1. Limit technology, and re-connect with your kids emotionally

  • Surprise them with flowers, share a smile, tickle them, put a love note in their backpack or under their pillow, surprise them by taking them out for lunch on a school day, dance together, crawl together, have pillow fights
  • Have family dinners, board game nights (see the list of my favorite board games), go biking, go to outdoor walks with a flashlight in the evening

2. Train delayed gratification

  • Make them wait!!! It is ok to have “I am bored“ time – this is the first step to creativity
  • Gradually increase the waiting time between “I want” and “I get”
  • Avoid technology use in cars and restaurants, and instead teach them waiting while talking and playing games
  • Limit constant snacking

3. Don’t be afraid to set the limits. Kids need limits to grow happy and healthy!!

  • Make a schedule for meal times, sleep times, technology time
  • Think of what is GOOD for them- not what they WANT/DON’T WANT. They are going to thank you for that later on in life. Parenting is a hard job. You need to be creative to make them do what is good for them because, most of the time, that is the exact opposite of what they want.
  • Kids need breakfast and nutritious food. They need to spend time outdoor and go to bed at a consistent time in order to come to school available for learning the next day!
  • Convert things that they don’t like doing/trying into fun, emotionally stimulating games

4. Teach your child to do monotonous work from early years as it is the foundation for future “workability”

  • Folding laundry, tidying up toys, hanging clothes, unpacking groceries, setting the table, making lunch, unpacking their lunch box, making their bed
  • Be creative. Initially make it stimulating and fun so that their brain associates it with something positive.

5. Teach social skills

  • Teach them turn taking, sharing, losing/winning, compromising, complimenting others , using “please and thank you”

From my experience as an occupational therapist, children change the moment parents change their perspective on parenting.  Help your kids succeed in life by training and strengthening their brain sooner rather than later!

 

Reasons Today's Kids Are Bored At School, Feel Entitled, Have No Patience & No Real Friends, Victoria Prooday, Occupational Therapist, teacher, social, emotional, academic functioning, disabilities, learning, kids, modern lifestyle, brain, malleable, environment, remold, technology, delayed gratification, classroom, boring, visual stimulation, over stimulation, screen time, emotional availability, parenting, stressors, lazy, demanding, irritable, anxious, inattentive, dull moments, boredom,training brain to work, digital gadgets, unstructured play, social skills, re-connect, board games, learn to wait, I am bored, OK to be bored, patience, monotonous work, 

Victoria holds a Master of Science in Occupational Therapy from the Medical School at University of Toronto and a Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology and Health Science from York University. She is founder and director of a multidisciplinary clinic in Toronto, Canada, for children with behavioral, social, emotional and academic challenges. Victoria, along with her team, has helped hundreds of families across Canada and around the world and is a frequent guest speaker to teachers, parents and professionals.

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