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Father’s Day When You Don’t Live With Your Kids

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Photo Source by :  Pixabay

by Charles Schaeffer, PhD

For many people, Father's Day evokes images of family BBQs, new ties, and loving cards from kids. And the occasion also gives us an opportunity to recognize all the hard work fathers do. But there are millions of fathers we may not think about on Father's Day and who are often invisible to us all year round – fathers who don't live with their children.

Nonresidential fathers – dads who are divorced, separated, incarcerated, or otherwise not living with their children – make up more than 12 percent of American fathers. That means there are more than 7 million nonresidential fathers in the United States – many of them changing diapers, providing emotional support, helping with homework, and paying child support every year.

Unfortunately, when these dads receive public acknowledgment, it often comes in the form of negative images – deadbeat dads who refuse to pay child support or have little interest in or contact with their children

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posted Jul 27 by Nalini Vishwanath

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+1 vote

                                               

Photo Source: Brain Inspired

When we are first born our parents are all that we have in this world. We would not be who we are today without them.

Our parents are the people we look to for support and guidance. They are supposed to keep us feeling safe at all times and make sure as children that we follow their rules. However, as humans, we are all capable of making mistakes.

http://braininspired.net/never-use-phrasess-talking-children-psychologists-warnn/

As a child, we do not often think of our parents as ‘just humans’ we see them as more than that. These people we call Mom and Dad are our creators, guardians, protectors. They are Gods and Goddesses in our eyes as children, there is nothing Mommy and Daddy cannot do.

Everything that a parent does and how they do it becomes an important part of their child’s psyche. The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice. It tells them what is right and what is wrong…

If you are often angry and cold towards your children they will carry on this into adulthood. They will do the same thing you are doing to them to themselves later on. We all make mistakes, if you are making one now why not take the time to correct it?

We want our children to have an inner voice that does not insult them. If you are friendly and motivating to your child they will take that on as their inner voice, this will prove to be much more effective than having an inner voice that makes them feel worthless.

The Phrases below are ones you should NEVER say to your children, no matter how mad you are or what they have done:

                                                    

“STOP CRYING RIGHT NOW!”

Even if there is no reason for your child to be crying in that moment do not make them feel stupid for doing so and for not being able to stop. They cannot control their emotions. They deserve to be allowed to feel what they are feeling if you say this to your child you are programming them to think that it is not okay to have emotions. They will eventually suppress everything. You should try saying something else in situations like this.

Something like “It’s okay to cry but you still need to understand what you did was wrong.”

This will get you much further.

“I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!”

Parents tell their children this when they are in trouble and already feeling down about themselves and whatever they have done. When your child does something wrong help them to find the right path don’t let them think they are a disappointment.

Try saying something like “What you did was wrong, let’s talk this over okay?”

“YOU ARE NOT [SOMETHING] ENOUGH!”

By telling your child there is something lacking in them be it something on the inside or on the outside it hurts. While you are not specifically saying they are not enough you are implying it. This is something that will grow into your child feeling not good enough in life overall if you do not address it soon.

 Try saying “You are [something] enough, we can work harder at it.”

“BIG BOYS/GIRLS DON’T GET SCARED”

Yes, they do.

This is not protecting your child in any way. They are scared, you cannot stop their fear by telling them to not be afraid. Everyone gets scared sometimes, even you. Face your fears instead of running away from them, that is what you should be teaching your children.

Say something like “It is okay to be scared, everyone gets scared sometimes but I know something that will help.”

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+2 votes

                                                   

Photo Source  :   Luminosity  

Let’s admit, we are all caught up in the world of technology. We live, eat, breathe and think with our smartphones literally. These smartphones have created a bubble around us. We are caught up in those bubbles so badly, that we have been completely absorbed in them. It’s not just the children who are addicted to screens. Parents are more often spending all their precious time swiping the screens of their smartphones. To ‘connect’ more with our friends staying far of, we have disconnected with our family members staying ‘with us’

Vidhiduggal

https://vidhiduggal.wordpress.com/2017/07/11/five-reasons-to-put-those-phones-away-when-with-your-child/

These days, parents are so soaked up in the digital world, that they are often not present even when they are with their children. Children who always crave for the attention and affection of their parents often feel neglected when they see their parents using smartphones. Parents who are talking on the phone while they are with their children are not actually present with them. Parents who are talking on the phone while having dinner or while the child is playing next to them are not there with the children.

Here are five reasons why we should put those smart phones away and break the bubble of technology:

  1. Children need our attention to build their self- esteem. Paying attention to their smallest efforts means they will push themselves to the next level.
  2. Our positive attention helps them become emotionally stronger. When we put our phones down to talk to them about what they are doing, they feel more secure and confident. 

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+1 vote

Vital growth signs of children's early years of infancy and growth are so important to watch, monitor, track and correct if required. But not surprisingly a big challenge today for super busy parents, where juggling double incomes, careers and home front with little or no support system in place is a monstrous situation. And as you will find in this article, if you miss a vaccination milestone or do not notice an emerging pain point in the child, you and the little one may end up paying a heavy price. So what is the solution to this? Several start-ups in Bengaluru and elsewhere are building a suite of cool apps that help monitor your baby and also track important events to remind parents of what needs to be done. Full story here: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bengaluru/no-parenting-blues-apps-keep-track-of-children-every-day/articleshow/56244568.cms 

+1 vote

Sachin Tendulkar is a UNICEF Ambassador. (AP Photo)​

United Nations: Cricketer Sachin Tendulkar joins a roster of global celebrities, including David Beckham and Novak Djokovic, for a special UNICEF campaign that highlights the critical role played by fathers in children's early development.

http://bangaloremirror.indiatimes.com/news/india/sachin-tendulkar-among-stars-in-un-campaign-to-highlight-fathers-role/articleshow/59013022.cms

The UNICEF initiative 'Super Dads', coming just days ahead of Father's Day, celebrates fatherhood and highlights the importance of love, play, protection and good nutrition for the healthy development of young children's brains.
The campaign, which highlights fathers' critical role in children's early development, features stars from the world of entertainment and sport including Tendulkar, Beckham, Djokovic, Academy Award winning American actor Mahershala Ali, British Formula One racing driver Lewis Hamilton and Australian actor Hugh Jackman.

"When I was a young child, my father gave me the right amount of love, freedom and support to shape who I am today," Tendulkar, a UNICEF Ambassador, said in a statement.
"Every kid needs protection, love, good food and play to support growth and development, and it's up to both parents to provide these," he said.

Djokovic said as a father, he has seen for himself the impact that love and positive action has had on his child during the early years of life.
"Being a new parent isn't easy. There are many challenges that fathers across the world face. This campaign is about supporting and encouraging fathers so they can be the Super Dads their kids desperately need," said the UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador.

The heart-warming videos and photos of celebrity dads in the campaign will be coupled with stories of super dads from across the world, including those who are doing their best to raise their children in extremely difficult circumstances.
One such super dad is South Sudanese refugee Idro, who is raising three daughters aged 2 months, 3 and 13 years old in Uganda's Bidi refugee settlement, the largest in the world. Idro fled his war-torn country in July 2016, and is doing everything he can to keep his young daughters' healthy, happy and safe, UNICEF said.

"The earliest years of life present a critical, once-in- a-lifetime opportunity to shape children's brain development - and it's their parents who hold the largest stake in this process," UNICEF Chief of Early Childhood Development Pia Britto said.
Britto added that the more fathers, mothers and other family members shower their babies and young children with love, play, good nutrition and protection.
"The better these children's chances are of reaching optimal health, happiness and learning ability. Good parenting for young children living in highly stressful conditions like conflict or extreme poverty can even provide a buffer, helping them to fully develop despite adversity," Britto said.

UNICEF added that good parenting in early childhood, especially during the first 1,000 days, sparks neural connections in children's brains, laying the foundation for their future successes. Research suggests that when children positively interact with their fathers, they have better psychological health, self-esteem and life-satisfaction in the long-term.
"We need to break down the employment and societal obstacles that deprive fathers - and mothers - of precious time with their young children," said Britto.
"It is critical that the private sector and governments work within their communities to give parents and caregivers of babies the time, resources and information they need to give children the best start in life," he said.

The 'Super Dads' initiative forms part of UNICEF's #EarlyMomentsMatter campaign, which aims to drive increased understanding of how children's environments and experiences in early childhood can shape their future health, well-being, ability to learn, and even how much they will earn as adults.

 

 

+1 vote

               

Photo Source: scarymommy

By- Clint Edwards

http://www.scarymommy.com/stop-pushing-kids-be-best/

There’s an article from Boston magazine making the internet rounds right now titled “In Praise of Mediocre Kids.” In it, Julie Suratt describes how her son Finn was interested in playing the French horn, so they got him the instrument and signed him up for the school music program, only to find out that he wasn’t that good.

The school music director suggested they pay for a private tutor. Like any good parents, the Suratts looked into it. The music program already cost $150, and to rent the French horn was another $42 a month. Add the cost of private lessons on top of that, and once everything was tallied, Suratt was left wondering why they originally got into this whole “playing an instrument” thing. It wasn’t for Finn to play in the London symphony (do they have French horns in the London symphony?). It was so he could try out an instrument and see if he enjoyed the experience.

But her initial reaction to do everything she could to make sure her son was the best at the French horn, even if it cost a great deal of money, is relatable to me, and I assume it is to anyone with children.

A few years ago my daughter, who was 5 at the time, wanted to try ballet. We got her the leotard and the lessons and the cute shoes. I drove her to every practice and every recital, and as I did, I imagined her as a professional dancer. This graceful ballerina, prancing along the stage, wowing fans. The strange thing is, though, I don’t even like ballet. I’ve seen The Nutcracker a couple times, and I was never enthralled. And yet, the moment my daughter showed interest in something, I wanted her to be the best at it.

My notions of her devoting her life to ballet got quashed pretty quickly however. After about six months, it was everything I could do to get her to put on the tights. She hated it, so I ended up forcing her to do something that she didn’t like, with the hope that she would make me proud someday by becoming a prima ballerina — again, an art form I don’t even appreciate.

Like Suratt, I eventually took a step back and had to examine why I got her into this whole dancing gig in the first place, and the reasoning was to see if she’d enjoy it. Not for her to become some accomplished ballerina. Like really, what are the odds? 

Often as parents, we get lost in competition. We expect our children to be the best at everything, all while forgetting that turning them into upstanding adults with passions and good values is actually a pretty lofty goal all by itself.

But for some reason, parents in 2017 are fearful of mediocrity. Now, keep in mind, this is often a middle- to upper-class problem. You have to have enough money to pay for those extracurricular activities, along with the extra gear and lessons, plus the time to schlep your kid from place to place. I grew up with a single mother. We didn’t have money for that kind of thing, and she certainly didn’t have the time or resources to be shuttling me all over town each day.

We make enough money for my son to play soccer and for my daughter to attend gymnastics lessons (her new adventure). We don’t make enough money to devote our lives to the cause, but we wouldn’t want to anyway. Our kids are enjoying themselves and learning new skills, and we are happy with that.

I happen to work in a Division 1 athletics program. My job is to help make sure college athletes do their homework (I’m pretty popular, trust me). I will be the first to admit, I’ve seen student athletes who are so driven to excel at everything they do that I have to take a step back to truly appreciate how amazing they are. But on the flip side, I’ve also seen the downside of pushing a child to be the best their whole life: When they do fail, and they will because everyone does, it crushes them. This can be tragic.

In the past two years, two student athletes I worked with have died by suicide — one after he lost eligibility, the other when she was cut from the team. Those two students were bright and capable, and yet they had built up their sport to be so important, so valuable, that when it was taken away from them, they felt like they had nothing left to live for. But the fact is, they both had a hell of a lot of life left to live. They were smart and motivated. They could have had promising careers and families. They were good people, and their whole lives still lay ahead of them.

But they couldn’t see that.

Now, this isn’t going to be the case for all children who have been pushed to excel their entire lives, but we shouldn’t ignore the impact this has on our children’s mental and emotional well-being either.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a mediocre child. There is nothing wrong with being a B or even a C student. It’s not that you shouldn’t encourage children to do their best and challenge themselves. But pushing them to be the absolute best and demanding they excel at everything from soccer to the French horn to their class ranking might not be the best way for them to truly enjoy their childhood. That’s a lot of freaking pressure. And from my observations, it can, in fact, have tragic consequences.

Ultimately, that’s what Suratt concludes in her article: “It’s not easy to ignore societal pressure to push, push, push […]. Our parents didn’t sign us up for all the extras […]. They were more concerned with whether we ate our vegetables than how many goals we scored […]. We don’t owe our success to private coaching and tutoring; we owe it to our intrinsic desire to be our best self. That’s what we need to focus on with our children: building their self-esteem; creating a safe environment where it’s okay to fail and okay to try again; and encouraging them to be nice, honest, and loyal. And, perhaps most important of all, embracing mediocrity.”

We need to teach our children that failure is a part of life and that we still love them even if they are not the best at this or that, because on the whole, they are the best children we have. Everyone has their talents and their struggles, and that’s part of life. While my daughter will never become a famous ballerina, that’s okay. As long as she becomes a kind, self-sufficient, caring person, I will be incredibly proud of her.

And I have to assume all of you loving parents reading this article feel the same. So let’s make sure our kids know that. Let’s take the pressure off them a little. Let’s not worry about pushing our children to be the best, and instead, like Surratt, embrace mediocrity.

 

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